


There Was the Poetry

by InsaneKAT



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Economics, F/M, I mean it I don't write happy things, M/M, Moving On, Mutually Unrequited, Politics, prepare for angst, too many details
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 13:11:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6425362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneKAT/pseuds/InsaneKAT
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are 10 things you need to know.<br/>1. They never meet again<br/>2. Everyone moves on<br/>3. Burr waits, but he’s not sure for what<br/>4. Hamilton doesn’t hesitate<br/>5. They get married, but not to each other<br/>6. Dear Theodosia<br/>7. 2008<br/>8. They meet one last time<br/>9. Eliza’s story<br/>10. Their last words to each other</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Love Doesn't Discriminate (It Takes and it Takes)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5667526) by [FancifulFollies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FancifulFollies/pseuds/FancifulFollies). 



> This is an alternative epilogue to a pre-existing story! I reference most of what happened rather vaguely, but if you haven't read the original it might be rather confusing.  
> Also, in case you missed it, there is angst!  
> Come yell at me about Hamilton on tumblr @hamiltondoodles

There are 10 things you need to know.

**1\. They never speak again**

The world is wide enough to fit both of them.

It is wide enough to keep them both alive, but never kind enough to have them brush shoulders like they did back at the doorways of Princeton, never have them push past each other in a too-narrow hallway, never have them meet again.

Wide enough for Aaron to oscillate, a moth to Alex’s flame, circling, around and around, but never getting any closer because why? Why? _Why_? Behind the wheel, Aaron sighs through his teeth at the red light.

He smiles. Laughs spitefully. There is another route from the supermarket, but he never takes it and instead comes tantalizingly close to the hospital where Alex is relearning how to use words, he used to be so good with them they cut deeper than swords and _oh God Alex_ –

The light turns green and he presses on the gas pedal. Swings the wheel a hard left, because it’s unresponsive as fuck and he’s glad for it, towards his apartment.

Over, and over, and over.

Sometimes he stops across from the hospital and feels the damning temptation to go in. He imagines he can see Alex, through the brick, the plaster, the off-white paint.

It’s been two weeks since graduation and Aaron thinks he’s slowly going mad. He parks his car, locks it deftly, and is halfway to his apartment across the street before he sees _Alex_ walking down the street towards him. Aaron jolts violently, heart sprinting in his throat.

Then he realizes it’s not Alex. Hair, yes. But his face, completely different.

Aaron wants to relax and the relief makes him feel a bit weak and giddy but it feels like his throat has seized up and he feels more awake than he has been for days.

Halfway up to his apartment Aaron makes the decision to stop doing nothing. The fire burns out almost immediately, but the embers remain. He digs out his an old Mac and enters the Princeton career services website onto his browser because he has no idea what he’s going to do next and _he should have been doing this all year but he was too busy with AlexTheoJefferson he hates this feeling Trapped FuRy ResEntMENT –_

The website loads.

Aaron takes a deep breath, steeples his fingers. His last goal from high school, which he brought with his books and clothes to Princeton, was to become a lawyer. Step one, find a goal, done.

But is it really? He has only a vague idea of what being a lawyer entails. Is everyone ahead of him? What were they doing and _what has he been doing for the past semester Christ get it together Aaron GET IT TOGE –_

Litigation and criminal law isn’t for him. He used to think that he would be able to handle the stress, the long days, the ins and outs of office politics, the pro bono social work. Now, he’s not sure.

It’s June. Aaron looks into internships and wonders if it’s not too late to pull his grandfather’s old contacts and land himself a legal assistant job. Clearly he’s taking a gap year at this point, so he could try his luck at paralegal studies, some practical applications that he might need for the bar.

He’s thinking too much. First, the LSAT. What a monster. He missed the June date, but he could try the December test.

No, Aaron should take it sooner. September 24th, nearing October, so he would have three months to study. That’s good. He’ll have more time to do a semester internship before he applies anywhere.

Register.

The page design for the Law School Admissions Council website is bad, but honestly students are going to take the LSAT regardless, so there’s not much point in seeming too welcoming. Kaplan and Princeton Review, on the other hand, look pretty slick.

Aaron decides on Barron’s. He glances at the clock. It’s barely afternoon. He decides to go out and swing by Barnes & Noble to pick up a copy instead of buying one online because he’s itching to do something and the apartment is too quiet _the sound of Theodosia’s laughter from the next room her hands cold cold how she whispers his name –_

Too much silence. He finds a pair of tangled earphones somewhere and hits up random playlist from the 8tracks homepage. The afternoon sun is too hot on his skin, and he ducks under trees when he can.

He forces himself to walk past the hospital where Alexander almost died _because of yoU it’s YOUR fauLT AaROn you SLaMMed hiM iNTo a WALL he’S DYiNG he CAn’t SPEAK yoU COWARD COWARD no no no no he can’t think about that can’t –_

LSAT. And the music, which had stopped. 8tracks needs wifi. That was stupid.

He puts up his music on shuffle. Maybe he should rent out his couch. That doesn’t seem like a bad idea. Keeps things busy. Don’t look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone gives a shit:  
> Title is actual Burr quote. Once, in the Boston Athenaeum, Burr paused to admire a bust of Hamilton. “There was the poetry,” he said, tracing creases in Hamilton’s face with his finger.  
> Aaron lives in New Jersey, because that's where Princeton is.  
> Litigation is what most non-lawyers think lawyers do. To be fair, it happens quite often, and litigation lawyers enjoy lucrative business. However, there are other lawyer jobs that take place outside of the courtroom, such as witnessing the signing of legal documents, advising, research, mitigation, etc.  
> Burr's real-life grandfather is Jonathan Edwards. I assume that Burr should have inherited some of his contacts.  
> A legal assistant is not a lawyer. They do support work, maintaining and organizing, researching, drafting. It's possible to get hired with only a Bach degree. Some differentiate between paralegals and legal assistants, but both are excellent ways of getting some law experience before law school.  
> September 24th is an actual date for 2016 round of LSATs.  
> The page design for the Law School Admissions Council website is BAD.  
> Barron's test prep books are notorious for being way more hard than they have to be.  
> Couchsharing is an actual thing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2\. Everyone moves on

**2\. Everyone moves on**

Aaron feels a smudge of bitterness as he realized the how easily the others forgot him, how easily he faded from their lives. But it’s easier to ignore that when he has to study for the LSATs and communicate with all his old professors about recommendation letters and network while not being at Princeton anymore.

8track’s workout playlists (and plugins that download them) becomes more prevalent when he takes up running, but Aaron is terribly out of shape. When he first tries, his calves _burn_ for the rest of the week and he practically limps everywhere. He learns that it gets better, that running actually stops the burning.

Aaron is glad that Battlefield Park is practically empty in the morning, because he’s rather self-conscious. It feels like drowning, his slow pace against the vast expanse of the park plains. He hates it, but running on grass is supposed to be better than running on concrete.

Sometimes Aaron chickens out and goes hiking instead.

It’s a bitch, getting up in the morning, but eventually he forces himself into the schedule because he doesn’t like how dark it gets at night. The park is also a whole lot shadier after sunset.

He gets familiar with Princeton’s career services net and spends most of his time doing practice tests and emailing. He forces himself to start reading law journals. He picks up _A Song of Ice and Fire_ and gets hooked on the show instead, which is quite addicting.

Peggy texts him updates on how everyone is doing, and Aaron responds with interesting stories from the travelers who sleep on his couch. He doesn’t get too much cash from them, but an extra presence stops him from thinking too much.

The pattern makes time pass much faster. Food. Run. TV show. Food. LSAT prep. Check in and check out. Talk. Go shopping. Food. LSAT mock test. New book. Repeat if necessary.

He occupies his time with anything he can think of. If there’s always something else to do, another show for him to catch, another set of problems so do, he won’t be able to lock himself in a room and _think about aLL thaT yOu DiD –_

It’s September 23rd. He spends the day before doing one last set of problems, spends the afternoon going through them, one by one, methodically narrating his errors out loud. He hates himself before he gets to the end and gives up. Then Aaron goes for a run and buys some fruit, crackers, tortilla chips, and a jar of Nutella on his way back. He eats some of the Nutella before he gets home with his finger like an ass, then immediately feels guilty.

He brings the fruit and crackers with him to the testing center. The LSAT is a grueling, half-day torture session that shouldn’t be allowed to be administered to anyone. It’s slightly better than he imagined, because Barron’s makes its shit doubly hard. But still. Aaron reassures himself that he still has time to sign up for the December session.

When he drives back to his apartment, he eats five spoonfuls of Nutella and the tortilla chips, then binge-watches Big Bang Theory until he passes out.

Peggy calls him the next morning.

“I took the LSATs yesterday,” he tells her.

“Alex’s leaving the hospital soon,” she tells him, at the same time. They apologize, and Aaron prompts her to repeat what she said. It’s the first news about Alex he’s heard in a while.

“How’s he doing?”

“Why don’t you ask him yourself?”

Aaron breathes out a sigh. This conversation. “I needed time away. Being too close to him isn’t good for me. He has that effect on people, I’ve noticed. He needs space too, to recover. He has friends.”

“Avoiding him isn’t doing either of you any favors.”

“I’m not –” Aaron protests, then stops. Rephrases. “This is my choice, Peggy.”

Peggy is merciless when she wants to be. “He still loves you, you know?”

“He’s a college junior,” Aaron clips back, ignoring the way he can feel his pulse quicken (in panic, fear, excitement, he can’t tell). “What does he know about love?” There’s a slight sharpness to his words: Aaron is referring to the Reynolds affair, to Eliza, to John Laurens.

“ _I’m_ a college junior,” Peggy defends.

Aaron stays silent.

“He’s back in Washington’s class, racing through all the work that he missed,” she relinquishes eventually. “He types, because talking and writing come a bit slower to him. Sometimes he forgets things. Nothing major, just small things.”

“Like what?”

“When he last ate, what times his classes end.”

“He’s doing fine, then.” They share a laugh over the phone.

“Yeah. We’re keeping an eye on him and carting him from place to place.”

“What's he doing?”

“Catching up on work, mostly. Most of the professors are willing to grant extensions, given, you know, his work ethic. Every night he works until he collapses or until his roommate stops him.”

“Do you know who’s staying with him?”

“He’s got like two first names. Edward. Edward Steve. Stevens? Something like that. He’s also a junior on the pre-med track, transferred from somewhere. Looks like a less angry Alex, actually.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Same face, same hair. It’s like they’re brothers so it’s hella freaky.”

“What’s he like?”

“Much more mature. As a pre-med he takes it personally when Alex is Alex, so he mothers him incessantly.”

“And the rest of the squad?”

“Herc’s got that Givenchy job.”

“That’s good!” Aaron can guess what “Gee-Van-Schy” is by context.

“He hates it, though. I think he sees himself as the next McQueen, which isn’t going to happen, because he’s talking about making a vaguely anarchist, post-apocalyptic, quasi-Victorian fashion line called, and get this, the _Sons of Liberty_.”

“God, what.”

“He wants to bring back the _sans-culotte_.”

“For what, the _Printemps-Été_ 1789? I bet Lafayette is thrilled about that.”

“Lafayette’s gonna fund the damn thing, probably. But right now he has eyes on a UN internship, thank God.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Apparently the requirements are pretty okay. You gotta be educated, fluent in English and French, and rich enough to work an unpaid internship where you have to pay your own rent.”

“So, basically Lafayette.”

“Absolutely.”

“And your sisters?”

“Same old.”

“Angelica still running off to England?”

“Yes. Thank god we still have Eliza to save the family name.”

“Has she...?” Burr doesn’t finish the question. He doesn’t really want to. Peggy saves him. “Eliza’s the one who takes Alex to speech therapy. I think she forgives him.”

“Peggy,” he says, gently. “It’s not that I’m afraid he won’t forgive me, or I won’t forgive him.”

“Then why don’t you go talk to him?”

Aaron kneads the bridge of his nose. “I’m tired of this... this cycle. He does something reckless, I fix what I can and forgive him, and he goes and does something like that again. I’m tired of compromising. Justifying.” No, that’s not quite right. “I’m tired.”

His eyes sting. Fuck! He presses the receiver into his jeans so Peggy can’t hear and gets his breathing under control.

“ – now, he’s changed,” Peggy finishes when he picks up the phone again.

“Okay,” Aaron says after a pause, because he has nothing else to say. “Okay.”

“Do you want me to say anything to him? Pass a message, something like that?”

Aaron thinks about it. “No, it’s fine.” It’s not fine, but he’s not going to say that.

“He doesn’t know that I’m talking to you.”

“Good. I think a clean break is best for both of us.”

“He’s going to want to talk to you. So far he’s racing to catch up with all his work but you can’t avoid him forever.”

Aaron breathes through his nose. His eyes run over, but he keeps his voice somewhat level. “I don’t need forever, Peggy. Thank you for telling me. I hope he does get better, and I’m glad to hear that Eliza’s still deciding to stick by him. Now, how are things going with you? Does Lafayette moan English in bed, or does he continue pretending he isn’t fluent?”

Peggy’s blush can be heard over the phone, and it’s worth the level of depravity required for him to even think about Lafayette between the sheets. Aaron mutes himself while keeping Peggy on speaker, and _breathe Aaron breathe don’t stop breathing_ in between making noncommittal noises to Peggy.

After Peggy hangs up, Aaron contemplates his contacts list and _oh god there’s aLEX look aARON it’s alEX aRE You gonnA ruN thIS tIME too woRTHLESS evERyONE hATes YOu –  
_

He emails a women’s studies professor from the University of Virginia, utilizing his tentative net of contacts, and gets a job as a research assistant. 

The next few days, he waits for someone to respond to his forum post. Aaron distracts himself by watching _Schindler’s List_ , crying about it, then further tormenting himself by watching as many tragic European films his heart can handle. A law student working at a New York firm takes him up on his offer and Airbnbs his apartment until next June.

He finishes the transaction and cleans up the space. Then he contacts James because he doesn’t have Thomas’s number saved.

Thomas calls him and lets Aaron rent a room in Monticello for a semester while he’s at the College of William and Mary.

Aaron leaves New Jersey as soon as possible, taking everything of value with him and leaving the key with the student. Not a minute too late. Peggy texts him the night Aaron arrives in Virginia after a cross-country drive that Alex finally got Eliza to take him to Aaron’s apartment.

Aaron texts Peggy his email address, then replaces his phone card.

The night is dark and he can feel it pressing into his ribs in the darkness of the spare room and it’s overwhelming all around _sufFocaTing yoU usEless sHit yOu cowArd yOU diD thIS to hIM hoW daRE yOU rUn yOU wORM wORthLeSs NO oNE GIvES a SHiT IF YoU LiVE OR DIE god who would even show up at your funeral NO sTOP tHINKiNG sTOp SToP STOP **STOPSTOP STOP**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOTS OF INFO:  
> There are ways to download 8tracks playlists.  
> Aaron's running story is my story.  
> The mention of Battlefield Park on Mercer Road is meta, because it marks the site of the Battle of Princeton, a great victory for Washington. Hamilton brought three cannons to blow up Princeton where the British were hiding.  
> Aaron's travelers are doing a hybrid thing between couchsurfing and Airbnbing.  
> The "like an ass" reference is quoted directly from Aaron Burr's private journals.  
> Edward Stevens was Hamilton's close friend after Hamilton was basically adopted by his family at 15. People remarked at how similar they looked. Stevens left St. Croix for New York before Hamilton to pursue medicine at King's College (Columbia).  
> Alexander McQueen was a British fashion designer who worked at the French brand Givenchy before starting his own line. Widly regarded as amazing (and also a bit nuts), he's got the same rough personality incongruous with his craft mirrored in Mulligan.  
> The sans-culottes were lower-class French citizens around the time of the French Rev who couldn't afford the fancy "culotte" breeches (literally translates to without-pants).  
> Getting an internship at the UN requires fluency in French and English. A media shitstorm went up when they realized the unpaid interns had to pay their own rent. One of them famously lived in a tent.  
> Burr was a feminist, it makes sense for Aaron to research for a women's studies professor.  
> Everything about Schindler's List is ridiculously sad.  
> European films notoriously fuck with emotions more than American films.  
> Jefferson did graduate from the College of William and Mary. W&M is some distance from Monticello.  
> The University of Virginia is located near Monticello. Jefferson and Madison were its first two rectors and were on the original governing Board of Visitors. META.


End file.
